I Thess. 4: 13-18   (p. 1030)

Before the Passage: NT Scholars believe that I Thes. was the first book to be written of all the NT books. The teachings of the gospels were written down earlier. But in their final form they probably came a little after I Thess. One of the reasons why the NT was written down some 20-30 years after Christ is that the Early church felt that the world was going to come to an end any day. They lived in great expectation that the return of Christ was imminent. When the return of Christ did not happen right away, they began to ask questions. One of these questions was, "what about those who die before the return of Christ?" The Apostle Paul heard that the Thessalonians had this question, so he wrote them a letter to answer this question & other questions they were having. Let’s take a look. Please read the passage.

I’d like to speak to you this morning about "A Different Kind of Grief." A Different Kind of Grief -- Grieving with Hope. Vs. 13: "Brothers & Sisters, now concerning those who have fallen asleep, we do not want you to grieve like those who have no hope."
 Notice he doesn’t say, "I don’t want you to grieve."  He acknowledges that we’re going to grieve. But he says that our grieving can be a little different. We can grieve with hope.
 Let me first say a few words about grieving. An author named Doug Manning says it best:  "You give yourself permission to grieve by recognizing the need for grieving. Grieving is the natural way of working through the loss of a love. Grieving is not weakness nor absence of faith. Grief is as natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired, eating when you are hungry, or sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature’s way of healing a broken heart."
 The Bible affirms the need to grieve time & time again.
Isaiah wrote that the Messiah himself, would sometimes be "a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief." The shortest verse in all the Bible illustrates this truth.
John 11:35: "Jesus wept." This was when he discovered that his friend Lazarus had died. Jesus knew he had the power to raise him from the dead, & he did. But Jesus acknowledged & felt & embraced the depths of human grief.

 Illustration. I have some experience with my subject matter this morning. Not only as a pastor, but also in my personal life. My Father died when I was 8 years old & don’t think I really grieved then (which is not the most healthy thing to do). There weren’t the suppo
rt services & the awareness that there is today. In 1983 my Mother passed away. I’ll never forget the graveside service in my parents hometown. We were at this little, tiny cemetery outside of a very small town in southern Illinois. The funeral home there got some minister to come & say a few words. And he something I’ve always remembered. He said, "We hurt because we love. We hurt because we have given love & received love. Our tears are tears of love. They are holy tears, for now is the time to grieve."

 We need to affirm the need for people to grieve. When someone says to me, "I’m really worried about so & so. They’re really a mess." I’ll say, "When did their loved one die?" 4 months ago?  6 mos ago? 9 mos ago?   They ought to be a mess! That’s par for the course because God made us relational beings."  -- even the 2nd year after a loss is rough. There is the time to grieve -- and there’s no right or wrong time table for that.

 Illustration. I had a friend who had to have most of right leg amputated. I asked him one day if that phantom pain is real. He said, "It’s unbelievably real. You would swear that you had a leg down there in awful pain." He has lost something precious to him -- his right leg. And he hurts & aches for what is no longer there.

To Grieve with Hope means that you embrace the grieving process. You embrace it in order to heal. You don’t run away from it, you walk through it. You express it, you talk about it when you can. You share your feelings & the experience of the loss with Safe People--those who won’t try to take your grief away, talk you out of it, or shame you for it. And by embracing the grief you find strength.
 I asked some experts about grief this week. Our Grief Support Group met on Thursday this week. And we talked about what people say to those who are grieving & what is helpful & what is not helpful. For instance one of our members lost someone near & dear to them, a grown child. And someone said to them, "I know just how you feel. My cat died 3 months ago." Several women had people say to them, "Oh you’re young. You’ll meet someone & remarry." For most women in the first year after a loss, such an idea is unthinkable & offensive. People say things like this to help, to lighten the others load, but it doesn’t help. Just say, "I’m sorry. I’m so sorry."
 The group agreed that grieving people do not need advice, they just need a listening ear. They also suggested never saying, "If there’s anything I can do for you." Instead, just do something, or call & stay in touch. Many people shy away from those who are grieving. People can also be reluctant to mention the deceased by name, which is tragic, because talking about their loved one is quite healing.
 So if you want to help someone who is grieving, just call them up and say, "How’s it going?  What’s it been like for you?"  "When do you miss him the most?" If they don’t want to talk, you’ll know it. But most will think that you are incredibly kind, especially if you do it 3 mos, 6, mos, 9 mos, a year down the road. To grieve with hope means that you embrace the grieving process, knowing that holy tears are cleansing & healing.
 To grieve with hope also means that you believe that you will one day know joy again."They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk & not faint." I love people who go at grief courageously & face it head on, even when they feel miserable. They still come to the meetings. And they come to church & cry a lot. And they read all kinds of books on grieve, some even talk to counselors who specialize in grief. They do so because they believe that they can feel good again. There’s a lot of faith in that. That’s grieving with hope.

 You also grieve with hope when you realize that the best is yet to come, that this world is not the end. Let me close with two of my favorite
 stories.

 Illustration. "Keep your Fork." There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. The woman also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
 "There’s one more thing," she said excitedly.
 "What’s that?" came the pastor’s reply.
 "This is very important," the woman continued.
 "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."
 The pastor stood looking at the woman, not knowing quite what to say.
 "That surprises you, doesn’t it?" the woman asked.
 "Well, to be honest, I’m puzzled by the request," said the pastor.
 The woman explained. "In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, ‘keep your fork.’ It was my favorite part because I know that something better was coming . . . like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand, and I want them to wonder, ‘what’s with the fork?’ Then I want you to tell them: ‘Keep your fork . . . the best is yet to come.’ The pastor’s eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that she had a wonderful grasp of heaven. She KNEW that something better was coming.
 At the funeral people were walking by the woman’s casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and her favorite Bible and the fork placed in her righ
t hand. Over and over the pastor heard the question, "What’s with the fork?" And over and over he smiled.
 During his message the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman shortly before she died. He also told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you oh so gently, that the best is yet to come.

 Here’s the other illustration .

 Illustration. Winston Churchill, as you know,  was one of the greatest leaders of the 20th Century. He died in 1965, and his memorial service was in St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, England. Churchill planned his entire service before he died, down to the very last detail. As the service ended, the Arch Bishop raised his hand and spoke the final benediction. When his hand came down a lone bugler stationed high up in that great cathedral began to play "Taps." "Go to sleep. Go to
 sleep. Go to sleep soldier boy." As "Taps" was played the casket of Churchill was lowered through the floor where it would be taken elsewhere for burial. "Taps" came to an end just as the casket reached the floor below. Unbeknowst to almost everyone, the service was over, because when "Taps" ended another bugler up in the cathedral began to play "Reveille." "You’ve got to get up! You’ve got to get up! You’ve got to get up in the morning!"
 Churchill had a sense of humor! Perhaps it was a message to his country. Or perhaps it was a message to his family -- "You’ve got to get up! You’ve got to keep going!" But Churchill knew the promise of the Gospel. You see, life doesn’t end with "Taps." There is Reveille! There is Resurrection!

 To grieve with hope means that you can hear both buglers. You hear the grief of "Taps," but you also hear the promise & power of "Reveille."

 There’s a perfect song to end this message. Gina will be singing it for you now, as the conclusion to the sermon.

This is not at all how we thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you’ve gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say and nothing we can do
Can take away the pain, the pain of losing you, but . . .

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
‘Cause we believe with hope
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again
We’ll see you
r face again

And never have I known anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more the wisdom of God’s plan
But through the cloud of tears I see the Father’s smile and say well done
And I imagine you where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
Cause now you’re home
And now you’re free, and . . . .

We have this hope as an anchor
‘Cause we believe that everything God promised us is true, so . . .

*      *      *

Based upon: I Thessalonians 4:13-14, Hebrews 6:9, 10:23

Rich Knight