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First Parish
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It's Not About Me |
Reverend Richard Knight
John 3:25-30
This sermon is entitled, "It's Not About
Me." It could have also been titled, "It's Not about You
either."
Illustration. Imagine for a moment that
you're in business for yourself and that business is booming. Crowds just keep
coming and coming to your store. It seems like you're selling just what they
need, just what they want. Things are flying off the shelves. It's more that
you could have ever hoped for or dreamed about. Now imagine that someone else
moves into the area and opens the same kind of store, only slightly better.
This other storeowner is really a sharp person. The product line is a little
better than yours. The store is new and really nice inside. The presentation is
better. And everyone is in love with the new storeowner. What would you do?
I think most of us would try a little harder,
think of diversifying, coming up with new things to sell. We'd probably
consider slashing prices to regain our lost customers. We might even be tempted
to find some flaws in the other person's store, or in the owner personally.
John the Baptist was in this same position
once. John had a thriving ministry, a booming "business," if you
will. The crowds were flocking to him, even though he had a bad location, out
in the wilderness. Still, people came. People from all walks of life went out
to see him - religious people and not-so-religious people - soldiers, leaders,
commoners. John was reaching them all . . . until Jesus came along.
Jesus was the new kid on the block. Certainly
more polished than John. Better dressed, better spoken. But not just that . . .
. Jesus had a way with people that was
remarkable. He engaged people quickly and connected with people deeply. And he
spoke with authority, like no one they had ever heard. What would John do?
Try harder? Preach better? Hope for miracles?
Put down the competition? No. John says, "It's not about me. It's about
God." He didn't say it exactly like that, but that was his conviction. He
said, "No one can receive anything except what's given them from
heaven." He saying, "Jesus is not my competitor. We both work for
God." It's not about me. He even realizes that not only is it not about
him, but that it truly is all about Jesus. John says, "I am not the
Messiah, but I am the one sent before him. In fact, I now stand aside and
celebrate his joy, like the Best Man at a wedding."
You see, at a wedding it's not all about the
Best Man. It's about the Bride and the Bridegroom. John says, "This gives
me great joy, to see God at work through Jesus." And then he says one of
the most humble and spiritual statements you'll ever read in the Bible: "He
must increase, I must decrease."
John knows it's not about him. It's about
God. It's about Jesus. I think being a Christ follower involves that kind of
thinking. And I believe it involves daily being converting into that kind of
thinking. "I want this day to be about you, God. Not just about me."
On vacation I read a great little book by Max Lucado entitled, It's Not about
Me. Max begins the book by reminding us about Copernicus. Nicolaus Copernicus,
a Polish scientist, born in 1473. Prior to Copernicus, men and women looked at
the solar system and said, "It's about us. It all revolves around
us." - "This world, this universe, these stars - they're all about
us!" Copernicus wasn't so sure.
He had questions. There were things that
didn't make sense. - the change of seasons, the apparent daily rotation of the
stars and the strange motion of the planets. What did compute according to
Copernicus was that the earth was not the center of the universe. It's not even
the center of our solar system. In our part of the cosmos, said Copernicus,
it's all about the sun. Life revolves around the sun. We are not the center of
the universe.
Max Lucado says we often need a Copernican
shift in our little worlds and minds, reminding ourselves that we also are not
the center of the universe. The world doesn't revolve about me or around you.
One quote from the book: "We've been demanding our way since day one . . .
'I want a spouse that makes me happy and co-workers that always ask my opinion.
I want weather that suits me and traffic that helps me and a government that
serves me.' Self-promotion, Self-preservation, Self-centeredness. It's all
about me!"
ILL. The reason I bought the book when I saw
it was I've used that line for years. When someone pulls out in front of me on
the road, or cuts me off, or forces me to brake when they should have been the
one yielding, I often yell out, "It's all about you, Pal." I did that
recently while driving to church. Someone pulled a move right in front of me
that is just not "AAA approved." I started yelling, "It's all
about you!" As I was getting out of my car behind the Parish House, the
car pulled in with the driver that I had been yelling at. You can imagine my
surprise when this driver stepped out of the car and said: "Hey, Pastor
Rich. Sorry about that, buddy. You seem a little stressed."
It was one of our fellow church members.
Suddenly it actually was about me! Well, I don't think I need to go on and on
about human nature and our tendencies toward selfishness and self-centeredness.
I thought I would say a few words about
Narcissism. Narcissism is a recognized personality disorder. It's named after
the young handsome, self-absorbed Greek god, Narcissus, who is punished one day
by being forced to look into a lake at his own reflection, which he dearly loves,
and thus falls in love with his own reflection, which he can never have.
Narcissism having too much self-love. excessive self-interest, a constant
preoccupation with self. It's living almost every minute of every day, saying
to one's self and to the world, "It's all about me."
There are varying degrees of narcissism, but
here are the most common characteristics of it.
1. A sense of Entitlement. The world should
really stop and yield to you when you're behind the wheel.
2. Grandiosity. A sense of superiority and
omnipotence. I cause the planet to spin on its axis. I am so influential.
- "I cause all the successes and
failures of this company. It's all me!"
- an overestimation of one's importance and
skills.
3. Arrogance.
ILL. Muhammad Ali, who called himself,
"The Greatest," once refused to fasten his seatbelt on an airplane.
He told the flight attendant, "Superman don't need no seat-belt." The
attendant replied, "Superman don't need no airplane."
4. Feels exceptionally unique &
incredibly special.
(Now, everyone is special, of course. True
narcissists feel that they are way more special than the rest of us.)
5. Lack of empathy - unable to put themselves
in another person’s shoes, Disinterested in others, bored with others because
they're so captivated by themselves. They might ask, "How are you?"
But they seldom wait for the answer.
Judgmental of the poor - can't understand how
anyone could become destitute. They can't empathize.
6. Empty inside. - makes them emotionally
absent to others
7. Attention seeking
8. Admiration hungry
9. Expects a lot of favors from others and
seldom returns the favors. Demanding & exploitive of others.
The psychology books say a person that has 5
or more of these characteristics should be very concerned about the issue of narcissism.
By the way, if you give this tape to someone whom you think is narcissistic,
don't get your hopes up. True narcissists seldom recognize it. Because the
problem is not with them, it's with the rest of the world. (it also may be
narcissistic to give this message to someone, hoping to change them for one's
own sake.) We should just look at ourselves today. Most all of us wrestle with
this in varying degrees.
John the Baptist did not however.
John the Baptist was not self-absorbed.
He was God-absorbed.
He was not self-centered. He was
God-centered.
He didn't believe it was all about him.
He believed it was all about God.
He didn't wake up and say to himself, "I
hope I can show everyone how special I am today."
Instead, he woke up and prayer, "God use
me today to reflect your love to others. Let me part of your story, no matter
how small the part may be."
So the first suggestion for battling our
narcissistic tendencies is to pray a John the Baptist kind of prayer every
morning. "Lord, help me to live this day reflecting your love, not drawing
attention to myself, but rather being attentive to you. "Make me part of
your story today," "I must decrease. You must increase in me."
Another suggestion is to stop and really
listen to people. Look them in the eye, and stay gently focused on their eyes,
and listen with your heart. Listen to their tone of voice. Try to hear what
they're saying between the lines. Watch for their body language and their
energy level.
Are they Upbeat? Or Upset? Discouraged? Or
Embarrassed? Anxious? Or Excited!
To do this, we really need to focus on the
other person and their story.
John Ortberg gives this same advice when he
writes in his book, Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them: "Stop.
Stop talking, stop advising, stop rambling, stop criticizing, stop gossiping,
stop hogging the verbal spotlight - just stop."
The book of James says, "Be quick to
listen and slow to speak."
The Prayer of St. Francis: "O Master
grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be
understood as to understand."
Most of seek to be understood first and
foremost.
"Let me tell you what I'm saying. Let me
explain myself."
Instead of, "Tell me what you're feeling
about this."
Seeking first to understand the other person
doesn't always come naturally.
Illustration. I think I told you about the
card I received once.
On the front it said, "Tired? Depressed?
Stressed Out? Anxious?
On the inside it read: "You bet I am!
What's new with you?"
It's not just about us.
We have to put the focus on the other person.
We have to slow ourselves down to do it.
Again, really looking into another's eyes
helps do that.
The only other point I better make this
morning is that it's a whole lot easier to talk about this subject than it is
to do it.
It's easy to talk about servanthood.
It's hard to actually be a servant.
It's easy to think about putting the focus on
others and seeking first to understand them.
It's hard to actually do it.
Illustration. John Ortberg (in his book The
Life You've Always Wanted) tells the sad story of a wife who was facing an
important operation. She asked her husband to look after the children for the
weekend. He said no, he was going to attend a huge rally for men that would
teach them how to live as Christian husbands and fathers. Oops.
I think this message can be summed up in one
sentence.
If our religion is to do one thing for us,
one thing at all,
It should make us less selfish, less
self-centered, and more God-centered.
Let's do it!
But first let's pray:
Invite to pray John's statement, "He
must increase. I must decrease." - breath in for the first part, breath
out for the later part. (silent prayer)
Gracious God, It's all about you. Our
Creator, our Redeemer, our Sustainer. Make our lives part of your story. Make
us attentive to our selfish natures and vigilant against self-centeredness.
Help us instead to absorb you through the Holy Spirit. Do your good work
through us. In Christ's name. Amen